Dont Tread on Me or My Wifes Son Ever Again Saggy Face
The Ethicist
Can I Ask My Ex to Delete Those Nude Pics?
The magazine's Ethicist columnist on how to make a delicate request without provocation, and more.
I recently broke up with someone I had been seeing for several months — not a long relationship, but a very intense one. In our breakdown I realized that there was a lot nigh him I did not know, and I no longer trust him the way I once did. Is in that location an upstanding way to ask him to delete nude pictures he may have on his telephone? Part of me feels that if they are received, they are yours to continue, but I no longer experience comfortable with his holding them. Any suggestions on how to navigate this without retaliation? H.Y.
His to keep? Yes and no. When he received these pictures from you, you gave him some holding rights in them and non others. In particular, you weren't granting him permission to share them with anyone else. Yous retained a reasonable expectation of privacy. It's natural to say that you lot "shared" the pictures with him, and that verb is quite apt, because when you pressed Send, y'all were not fully relinquishing your ownership.
You're gratuitous, of class, to ask him to delete these images, and to remind him that he doesn't have your consent to share them. A decent person would acquiesce to that request, and wouldn't need that reminder. Only he may take the view that he's entitled to these mementos. And even if he promised to delete them, you'd accept no way of knowing whether he had actually washed and so. You lot'd have to trust someone yous find less than trustworthy.
Asking people to practice something they're not obliged to exercise needn't exist antagonizing.
You mention retaliation. Do you call up that asking him to delete them would make it more likely that he would circulate them — perchance to a selected person, perhaps more widely? Most states criminalize the nonconsensual dissemination of nude or sexual images, subject to various conditions.
Merely your aim is to avert the violation in the first place. You'll be the best estimate of how to manage your ex; I'll just note that asking people to do something they're non obliged to do needn't be antagonizing. Politely let him know that you lot regret having shared these pictures with him, that you promise he volition delete them and that yous trust he will continue to respect your privacy.
I went over to my father'due south house ane contempo morning to practice some work while my floors were existence cleaned. I told my father the day earlier that I would be coming over in the morning and and then texted once again a few minutes before heading over. I have a key to his place, then I allow myself in. I quickly realized that my begetter was non prepared for my arrival and was in the shower. I shouted hullo and headed into the kitchen surface area. In the kitchen, a brightly colored vibrator was charging. I was very surprised to run into this, specially as his girlfriend of half-dozen years was currently out of town and would not be returning until the following evening. I called out to my dad that I was going to go for a quick walk to go some air, and when I returned the vibrator was gone. I know at that place are a number of possible explanations, including that he was preparing for his girlfriend'south return. Nevertheless, my father does accept a history of infidelity, and information technology makes me distressing to think that he may be lying to his current partner. I honestly practice not want to broach what I saw with my father, but do I have an obligation to allow his girlfriend know of my suspicions? Name Withheld
Kickoff, you saw what you saw because your father trusted you with a cardinal to his home. Although you texted him, you don't say that he gave you reason to think he read your texts. So we're talking about what you lot saw by gaining entry, unannounced, to someone's home. Second, his girlfriend's relationship to you passes through him, so to speak; your obligations to her are lesser than your obligations to him. Third, you have no relevant knowledge to impart, just speculation. (Every bit yous note, there are a number of possible explanations.) Yes, if he were being unfaithful and she didn't know information technology, she would be better off, other things existence equal, if she did. Only that's a wrong for him, not for you, to put right. I'd say you lot owe it to your father to keep your own counsel nearly this violation of his privacy. And yous owe it to yourself to put it out of your mind.
A Facebook friend of mine, who is on the faculty of my university merely whom I've never met, was instrumental in introducing me to a publisher for a manuscript I accept been working on for many years. To my delight, the book has been accepted for publication!
I am very grateful to this Facebook friend and was thinking of treating them to a nice luncheon. My spouse says: "Absolutely not! You are not real friends with this person. It is creepy to reach out to them, they are going to retrieve yous are some kind of pervert!" Regardless of whether my partner is right nearly me existence creepy, is it inappropriate to offer lunch to this "friend" I accept never met? We accept commented upon each other's Facebook posts over the years and I recall find each other interesting. (I would not be averse to actually being friends.)
Practice you think the reply to this question differs depending upon our corresponding genders and/or sexual identities? Name Withheld
I notice your spouse's interpretation a surprising ane. Your spouse manifestly thinks that this lunch is leap to be read as a romantic overture (making gender and sexual identities relevant). Given the interactions yous describe, though, a collegial lunch would seem a very natural proposal. There are many kinds of amore; eros and philia tin follow different tracks. Being a loving and faithful spouse doesn't require that y'all shut yourself off from new friendships.
I have worked for my company for 21 years. It has ever treated me adequately. I have enjoyed my tenure here, and I intend to give notice of my retirement on March 1.
I have heard that at that place volition exist a shuffling of responsibilities early this year. These responsibilities crave interaction with our external customers. This could mean I am given new external customers with whom I need to develop trust and a solid working human relationship. Question: Knowing that I will be leaving merely a few months afterwards I get responsibility for new customers, do I have an obligation to give discover before then that my employers don't have to reassign my new customers afterwards such a short menstruation of fourth dimension? Name Withheld
You don't want to inconvenience a company you've enjoyed working for. That speaks well of you. But I don't run into why y'all need to inconvenience yourself as a consequence. Why can't y'all just tell your bosses what you're planning to practice, so that they tin can take information technology into account as they reshuffle tasks and client relationships? Your bosses take treated you fairly; you'll depart having treated them fairly.
I am a graduate student at a large public academy, and 1 of few students lucky enough to exist funded past my department. Recently I learned that other graduate students (funded and unfunded) in the department accept signed upwards for a Covid relief stipend. I am non in dire financial straits, and I don't support anyone in my family financially, only grad schoolhouse stipends aren't high, and the price of living nearly my university is high, especially since many housing-direction companies seem to assume that students are fully supported by their parents, and therefore rent is a ridiculously loftier portion of my income.
I wouldn't say that I experienced anything life-altering when Covid hit, but like many other students, I constitute being online more stressful, sad and isolating, and every bit a issue felt a meaning driblet in my mental health with the onset of the pandemic. If this coin is already awarded to my school, is information technology wrong to sign up for the Covid relief stipend? Name Withheld
Philosophers often utilize the term "institutional desert" to refer to what someone deserves according to the rules of some arrangement or governing entity, and that's what pertains here. If the rules are reasonable, there's no reason not to follow them. You don't say how the relief programme is structured or what its eligibility criteria are. Just why not apply? If you respond all the questions truthfully and y'all are adjudged eligible, you're entitled to the benefit.
Kwame Anthony Appiah teaches philosophy at N.Y.U. His books include "Cosmopolitanism," "The Honor Code" and "The Lies That Demark: Rethinking Identity." To submit a query: Transport an email to ethicist@nytimes.com; or send mail to The Ethicist, The New York Times Magazine, 620 Eighth Artery, New York, N.Y. 10018. (Include a daytime telephone number.)
Source: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/18/magazine/ex-nude-pics.html
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